Eliza's Letters
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: Severus Snape never knew just how much he meant to one girl until she took her own life, leaving behind a box of unsent letters, all addressed to him. Now, follow him as he journeys through her life through her letters
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

_Dear Reader,_

_The story that is about to unfold is one that until recently I haven't thought about since it happened. In fact, if I must be honest, the entire matter seems foreign to me after all of these years. I never knew about her letters, not until after the incident. And I have kept myself from reading them until now. I doubt I will find much of consequence within their aged pages. But in the event that I do, you shall be the first to find out what they hold. Honestly, what sort of girlish follies would be interesting?_

_Eliza Morrow was not a girl I knew well in my years as a student at Hogwarts. She was a Hufflepuff and I a Slytherin. Our paths thus, rarely had reason to cross. From what I recall of her, she was petite and blond and a very quiet individual who kept to herself. I suppose in that manner we were somewhat alike. I could not tell you her most prized possession or even her least favorite book. I could however, tell you that she found it necessary to end her life. To be honest, early on in my life, that same thought crossed my mind several times. Perhaps she was the braver, actually going through with it. Had I gone through, perhaps I would not be in my present situation. But this story is not about me, not as I am now at least._

_No this is Eliza's story. I would be foolish to try and deflect the focus onto myself. I was a miserable teenager and my story is rather typical of a bad home life. But Eliza, she was different. She had a sister and loving parents. I surmise it is true that you must watch out for the quiet ones._

_Speaking of her sister, Alyssa, she and I were something akin to decent acquaintances, especially following the incident. She was a Ravenclaw and a very intelligent and studious girl. I wouldn't say she was worthy of a real conversation except that when the entire world was against me, she stood by me. Alyssa Morrow was a dying breed, a black sheep in a flock of expectations. It was she who helped me not lose my focus in those months following the untimely demise of her sister._

_I would be an idiot and a fool to say Eliza's death did not affect me in some manner. I was fifteen and like most my age felt the world revolved around them. Yet, despite all of that I couldn't see how one girl whom I barely knew could be so changed by my very existence. Had the circumstances been different, I would possibly have been flattered._

_Enough rambling, it is time you see for yourself the story and legacy of Eliza Morrow. Fear not, as you witness her story, so shall I relive these moments and some that I didn't know I was living at the time._

_Respectfully signed and submitted to you,_

_Severus Snape_


	2. Chapter 2

**First Glances**

The sky was a gentle shade of baby blue, dotted here and there with fluffy white clouds. The air was warm but not too warm to be stifling. Students milled around the grounds in small groups. Leaning against a tree was fourteen-year-old Severus Snape. He was reading a thick book he'd gotten from the library's restricted section. The wind blew around him, toying with the pages. Sitting diagonally across from the Slytherin was a young girl of thirteen. She was clad in Hufflepuff colors and she was staring transfixed on Snape.

Her name was Eliza Morrow and Snape had never said a word to her. But that didn't matter to her. She let out a sigh as she drew her knees to her chest, her chin resting in the small divot her knees created.

"Eliza," a female voice called. The girl looked to her left, a strand of blond hair falling into her dark blue-green eyes.

"Hi," she greeted her older sister, Alyssa. Alyssa was a sixth year and in Ravenclaw. She sat down next to her baby sister.

"What are you doing?" she inquired calmly of the thirteen-year-old.

"Watching," Eliza replied.

"Watching what?" Alyssa pressed.

"Who," her little sister corrected her.

"Ok…watching who?" Alyssa asked again.

"Him," she said, pointing at Severus.

"Honey, it's not nice to stare at people," Alyssa said in a motherly tone.

"I'm not six, Alyssa," Eliza spat at her older sister, shrugging off her sibling's arm.

"Then don't make me treat you like you are," Alyssa retorted.

"You're not Mum," the thirteen-year-old hissed and got up.

Severus heard heavy footsteps walking towards him but he didn't look up. He just kept on reading until the book flew from his hands, landing several feet away.

"Aww…I think he was reading that Prongs," Sirius Black snickered.

"What do you want?" Snape snarled at the pair of Gryffindors. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stood a little ways away, observing. Eliza stopped moving once she'd spotted Potter and Black.

"Just came to see what ickle Snivelly was doing," James chuckled, pointing his wand at Snape.

"Sod off, Potter," Snape ordered, standing up. He pushed past James and went to retrieve his book. Sirius moved and kicked it out of his reach.

"Prick," Snape hissed as he finally managed to secure the tome.

"You hear that Prongs. He called me a prick," Sirius called.

"Well that's not too nice," James taunted, grabbing Snape by the robes and tackling him to the ground.

"Get off of me," Severus howled, struggling against James' body weight.

"Hey you ass get off of him before I haul you to Professor McGonagall," Alyssa shouted, advancing on the quarrelling teens.

"Piss off," Sirius spat at her.

Wordlessly, Alyssa grabbed James by the robes and shoved him against the tree Snape had been leaning against.

"You'd do well to listen to your superiors, Potter. You don't own this fucking place," she snarled at him, giving him a good shove before walking to Snape.

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone I saved you," she whispered. "I'll treat it as Prefect duties."

Snape said nothing but walked away. Sirius flipped Alyssa off and she sent him the gesture right back. Eliza stood stock still as Severus made his way back to the castle. By the time her sister reached her, the thirteen-year-old was on the brink of tears.

"Come on, you're going to be late to your appointment," Alyssa said softly, leading her sister in the direction of the entrance nearest the hospital wing.

"Did you know here?" Sirius asked James as Remus and peter joined them.

"She's a sixth year Ravenclaw Prefect," Remus informed his friends.

"She wouldn't tell McGonagall would she?" James questioned, straightening his robes.

"Well it was the first time I've seen anyone break you lot up. I don't know her well enough," Remus answered with a shrug as they headed inside.

"Did you see what Snivelly was reading? Some book that looked like it was from the restricted section," Sirius commented.

"Would you two just leave him be," Remus sighed as he held the door open for his companions.

"Its all in fun, Moony," James assured the werewolf.

Eliza sat down and patiently waited for the Madam Pomfrey to give her the potions she took every day at this time. She didn't like them. She didn't want to take them but Alyssa made her do it. She said she'd tell their parents if Eliza refused.

"Here you are, dear," the mediwitch said, handing the girl a tray of six potions. Dutifully Eliza downed all six in quick succession.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," she said and dismissed the Morrow sisters.

"Is he ok?" Eliza asked as soon as Madam Pomfrey was out of ear shot.

"Yes. He's fine. His ego may be a little bruised but he'll get over it," she assured her. As they rounded the corner they nearly collided with Severus.

"S-sorry," Eliza stammered, picking up the heavy tome that he'd dropped.

"Humph," he muttered and walked on past them.

"He talked to me," she gushed softly.

"Not exactly but I suppose you can think what you like," Alyssa commented.

"Why doe those Gryffindors have to pick on him all the time?" Eliza wondered aloud as they neared the entrance to the Hufflepuff Common Room.

"I don't know. Boys are just obnoxious and immature," her sister answered with a shrug as they parted ways.

Alyssa headed towards Professor McGonagall's office, fully intending to inform her of James and Sirius' actions when Remus caught her by the arm.

"Can I help you?" the sixth year inquired.

"I know you are going to tell Professor McGonagall about what they did," Remus began.

"Look, I know you're their friend but don't worry. I'm not going to mention you. You didn't do anything," Alyssa assured him.

"No, that's not it," Remus said, walking along with her towards the closed office door.

"Just make sure you tell her the truth. Snape didn't start it. It was James and Sirius. They'll hate me for this but I'm getting tired of them picking on him when he's done nothing to them," Remus explained in a large breath.

"Alright. Sure thing," she promised.

"I'll make sure they don't find out it was you," she added as she knocked on the professor's door.

"Come in," Minerva called. Remus watched her close the door. He leaned as close as he could, straining to hear what was being said.

"I see. Thank you Miss Morrow. I will speak with them immediately," Minerva said after hearing the recount of that afternoon's altercation. Remus let out a sigh of relief that she had not mentioned him. He walked away quickly so as not to be caught spying.

As he walked he thought about Eliza. He'd seen her just standing there watching. She'd looked as if she were on the brink of tears. He'd never known anyone to shed a tear of Severus Snape but then again, he didn't pay that much attention. She tried to shrug it off. Perhaps she'd been upset for some other reason.

In the Hufflepuff Common Room, Eliza sat staring out the window. She couldn't keep her thoughts from drifting to Snape. He intrigued her and she couldn't quite figure out why. She had the urge to know everything about him. She resolved that starting the following day she would do everything she could to find out everything about him. She let out an audible sigh as the incident in the corridor replayed in her mind. She was certain that her heart skipped several beats when their hands had touched. He'd looked right at her. Could she be falling in love with him? She didn't see why it couldn't be possible. After all, wasn't anything possible? With girlish glee she rushed up to her dormitory and found it empty. Her dorm mates were not often in there during the day and that was just fine with Eliza.

"Where is it?" she mumbled to herself as she searched desperately through her school belongings. It was neither in her bag nor under her bed where a lot of her extra and unused supplies ended up. She finally began digging through her trunk at the foot of her bed. She found what she was looking for at the very bottom of the large object, unopened stationary with a floral motif in black ink running down the left side. She pulled it out and found a quill and fresh bottle of ink. She carefully sat down on her bed and opened the bottle of ink, dipping the quill in. She balanced the stationary box on her knee and began to write, the words somehow flowing from her quill as if it had a mind of its own.

Once she finished she let it dry before pulling out one of the matching envelopes. With care, she folded the letter and placed it in the envelope, sealing it with the provided seal. Flipping it over she write his name on the front; Severus Snape.


	3. Chapter 3

**On the Run**

His heart was pounding as his surroundings vanished. How dare Potter call him a coward? Even worse, how dare he use his own spells against him? Severus rematerialized at the end of the long drive leading up to Malfoy Manor. Perhaps he could just drop Draco off and be on his own way. Draco appeared next to him, looking shell shocked and scared.

"Come along," Severus snapped harshly. Draco didn't seem to react. Finally after several moments, Severus dragged the boy with him up the long winding drive. What the bloody hell did wizards need a driveway for?

"I…I can't believe its over," Draco whispered as they reached the front door. It was pulled open immediately by Narcissa, whom Severus assumed had been eagerly awaiting their arrival.

"Good night," Severus remarked and turned to go.

"You're just going to leave?" Narcissa shot at him. He stopped moving and slowly turned around.

"I did as you asked. Now I have myself to take care of," Severus quipped.

"They won't be looking for you here," Narcissa offered. Neither adult had noticed Draco slip inside. Severus quickly closed the gap between them.

"Listen to me…whatever ploy you are trying to work, it is going to fail miserably," he hissed venomously at her.

"How dare you insinuate such a thing," she accused, making to smack him. He caught her slender wrist in his hand.

"Do not pretend as if that is not your aim, woman," he snapped.

"What do you expect me to do…sit around and wait for him to come back? He's not going to come back," Narcissa resigned herself to say.

"And you expect me to simply take his place? Absolutely not. I am a wanted man, Narcissa. I do not have the time nor the interest in some illicit affair," he stated as calmly as he could before letting her hand fall to her side. Without another word he turn and disapparated. Narcissa slowly closed the door and turned to find her son staring at her.

"What?" she asked simply.

'That's just disgusting Mother," Draco spat.

"It is not your business," she replied, looking sternly. She couldn't her up her hard demeanor. She was just thankful her son was alright.

"Why don't I get you something to eat," she sighed and ushered him towards the kitchen. It was a very rare occasion that she would actually make anything herself. Draco had come to treat them as special ever since he was a young child.

"So he just sort of left?" Draco as Narcissa pulled two ready-made plates of sandwiches from the fridge.

"We're not going to talk about this," she reminded him.

"Mother, come on. We both know you fancy him…of course for the life of me I can't see why," he retorted.

"Draco…" she warned.

"I'm seventeen not three. It's not like I don't know," he grumbled as he took a sandwich.

At Spinner's End Severus was simply standing at the front door. This was probably going to be the very last time he saw this place and part of him was glad to be rid of it. Most of all, he was glad to be rid of Pettigrew. The little rat of a man drove him crazy. He had tried to set rat traps several times but Pettigrew had somehow managed to evade them. Taking a deep breath, Severus unlocked the door and stepped inside. He didn't think the Ministry would be hunting just yet so that gave him some time to gather his thoughts.

As soon as he stepped into the front hall, he heard scurrying footsteps. He merely shook his head and caught Pettigrew trying desperately to get the book to release and open the hidden staircase.

"Pathetic," Severus hissed.

"You…you are here," Peter squeaked out.

"Yes you fool. I am…it is my house," Severus snarled.

"Does this mean…" the rat-like figure asked.

"Yes…now stop asking so many damn questions and get out of my sight," Severus ordered, flicking his wrist so the staircase would reveal itself. Peter hurried scurried up the stairs. He may have been seeking refuge with Snape but it didn't mean he had to like the surly man.

Severus made his way down the short hall into his study. Everything looked to be in its place. He sat down in the tall wing back chair and closed his eyes. He couldn't believe he'd actually killed Albus. Of course he'd had not choice in the matter but it wasn't like anything other killing he'd done. This one…tore at his heart…his very soul.

"Do forgive me," Severus whispered into the silent air. As he sat there, staring at the empty fireplace a thought made its way to the forefront of his consciousness; Eliza Morrow.

He had not thought about the girl in decades. He'd lost touch with her sister after graduation. He hadn't had any reason to stay in contact. The incident was over and the cold stares and accusing whispers had died. But now in the quiet of his study on the eve of a life on the run, Severus was drawn to her. He felt like he needed to take her story, her legacy with him when he left this place. He at least owed her that, not to be left to the raids of his enemies.

"If I am to die then I at least owe you the courtesy of learning your story," he murmured to the empty room. With resolve he stood and began to gather what he would need. He tossed vials of various potions into a small bag he could easily keep on his person. He pulled all of the desk drawers open, searching for anything he did not want them to find.

Satisfied that he had cleaned out the study thoroughly enough he headed for his bedroom. He kept her letters there. He would have to find a way keep them hidden. They had been given to him in a box by Alyssa. He pulled it from the top shelf in his closet and blew the dust from the top of the box. There was a picture of the young girl staring up at him candidly. She was so innocent and child-like with her soft features. It really was a pity she had died. Slowly he lifted the lid and pulled out the bundle of sealed envelopes.

"After all this time," he breathed and sat down on the bed. He hadn't even looked at the contents of the letters. He'd felt no need to do so in the past. He hadn't fully comprehended how he had caused such a tragedy. He unbound them and sifted through them, making sure to keep them in order. Each floral motifed envelope bore his name in neat script. He slowly traced the outline of the letters with the tip of his index finger. He heard footsteps creeping down the hall and he rebound the letters, quickly tucking them in the inner pocket of his robes. He put the lid back on the box and put it back in his closet. Just as he was closing the door Pettigrew appeared.

"What is it?" Severus queried, looking slightly shaken.

"Narcissa Malfoy is in the Floo," Peter informed him.

"What in Merlin's name does that woman want?" Severus grumbled and didn't give the Anamagus the time to answer the question. Severus looked at the blond woman's head hovering in his fireplace.

"What? I'm a little busy," Severus snapped.

"I wasn't really expecting you to be there still. What do you plan on doing…where will you go?" she asked, sounding very concerned for Snape's safety.

"That is none of your concern. The less you know the better for everyone involved. You know the Ministry will find you," Severus quipped.

"Well do forgive me for being worried about your safety. You saved my son and I'm simply trying to repay you with a little hospitality," she muttered.

"I thank you for the gesture but it is not necessary. I have a plan in place that does not involve hiding out like a scared rat," Severus explained, the jab at the man beside him fully recognized by all who heard it.

"Now good night," Severus said dismissively. With a soft huff Narcissa disappeared.

"You're leaving?" Peter asked. His voice was a mixture of glee and fear.

"And you're not coming," Severus answered as he pulled on his traveling cloak.

"You're just going to leave me here! They'll find me!" Pettigrew squeaked.

"Exactly. And that is not my dilemma now is it," Snape spat as he disappeared into the night. Peter watched him go and quickly ran to the man's room. He knew he had hidden something valuable in there and he wanted to find it. Maybe whatever it was would be a bargaining tool with the Ministry and the Aurors. He spotted the closet door still ajar and managed to grab the box. He saw Eliza's picture on the top and his brow furrowed. She seemed vaguely familiar but he couldn't place her. Regardless, he pulled the top off only to find the box empty.

Severus walked quickly down the street, keeping to the shadows until he was sure he would not be seen disapparating. This was the start of a new journey and he wasn't alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Secretly Pining**

A month had gone by since she'd written him the first time. The letter sat tucked safely beneath her bed with three others. She couldn't send them yet. She had to make sure he would know it was from her. Eliza was currently sitting on a bench in the small courtyard overlooking the lake. The midday sun was shimmering on the light ripples of water as if it was trying to find a stable position amid the uncertain terrain. Eliza could identify. She often felt unbalanced. She didn't understand why everyone treated her like she would break at the slightest touch. She let out a soft sigh, her shoulders mimicking the motion. She liked the peace and quiet of the courtyard. Not a lot of people frequented it during the day. Suddenly the bench gave way, making the thirteen-year-old jump in fright. She turned to see Remus Lupin sitting next to her.

"You don't mind if I sit here do you? The view is just so breathtaking," the werewolf asked politely.

"No," she replied shyly. She knew who he was. She thought he was nice. He seemed nice at least.

"I don't think we've properly met. I'm Remus Lupin," he introduced himself, once more breaking the tranquility of the noontime.

"Eliza, Eliza Morrow," she replied, shaking his hand. He caught a glimpse of her eyes. They looked so innocent and yet like they held a large secret.

The pair fell back into companionable silence. They both looked at the sun dancing on the surface of the lake, graceful and fluid. Her mind was drifting to him. She always thought about him. She needed to write to him again. She got the sudden urge to do it now. But she couldn't do it with Remus sitting there. Surely he would be nosy. Abruptly she stood up and gathered her bag. Looking started by her sudden movement, Remus stood up and caught her lightly by the forearm.

"I haven't scared you away have I?" he asked nervously.

"No…I just have to do something alone," she answered and walked away, Remus releasing her arm. He stared after the girl, her blond hair bouncing around her face as she disappeared inside the castle. He sat back down, frowning. He had just wanted to get to know her. She seemed alone and he knew how that felt. Sure he had friends and they knew his secret but it was still a painfully heavy burden to bear.

Inside, Eliza made her way to the Hufflepuff Common Room and up to her room. She scrambled to her hands and knees to retriever the box of stationary. She pulled a sheet and envelope from it and carefully rolled it up. She slipped it into her bag and proceeded downstairs to the library. She was sure to find some quiet there. It was, after all, a library. She found a table in the corner, surrounded on two sides by tall bookshelves. Satisfied that it gave her enough privacy she sat down and began to write. She told him of her encounter with Remus and how she thought he would have liked the view too. She scribbled away, losing herself. Slowly her head hit the table, falling asleep.

_She was back on the bench but this time he was with her. His dark locks blew across his face from the light breeze. His onyx colored eyes were locked on the interplay of the sun's reflection and the water. She looked at him, completely content. He caught her out of the corner of his eye and gave her the faintest of smiles out of the corner of his mouth. It was enough to send color creeping up her ears and into her cheeks. Suddenly she heard a voice calling her name. At first she thought it was him, but then she realized it was coming from far away and it wasn't his voice at all._

She felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned to see who it was, the walls of the library quickly replaced the outside of the courtyard. She was looking at her sister. Alyssa looked worried. She immediately pulled a chair over the table and sat down.

"You ok? You just passed out," Alyssa asked her baby sister.

"I'm fine. But how did I get here? Last I remember Severus and I were sitting in the courtyard outside," Eliza stated, scratching her head.

"Honey, he's in class right now. I'm pretty sure he wasn't in the courtyard at all today," Alyssa explained gently. She knew how fragile her sibling could be. How she often blurred reality and fantasy.

"No. We were sitting there together on the bench, watching the sun on the lake. He smiled at me," she protested.

"It was just a dream," Alyssa stated as firmly as she could. She then noticed the stationary under her sister's elbow.

"What's this?" she inquired, trying to pick up the piece of parchment.

"It's not your business," Eliza snapped defensively. She shoved it into the envelope and tossed into her bag.

"Listen to me very carefully, Eliza," Alyssa began, staying her sister with a firm hold on her arm.

"You didn't see him today. You've never talked to him either. I understand that you like him and that's fine. But he doesn't know. He's not going to know unless you actually tell him," she explained before releasing the girl's arm. Eliza just blinked at her sister and rushed from the room. Alyssa sat back and shook her head. Just then soft footsteps stopped behind her. Her head spun quickly to see Remus.

"Hi," she greeted with a smile.

"Hi. I…was hoping I would find you. I need to ask you something about your sister," he began, taking Eliza's vacant seat.

"Sure," Alyssa conceded.

"Well I saw her sitting out on a bench earlier and she looked kind of lonely so I sat down. And as soon as I introduced myself to her, she freaked out and ran off. Did I offend her?" he explained, looking very puzzled.

"She's just…moody. I'm sure it had nothing to do with you. I promise it didn't. She just likes to spend time by herself. She's a pretty big introvert. Don't take it personally. She does it to herself," Alyssa assured him. He nodded, not liking the answer. He couldn't wrap his mind around anyone wanting to be alone all the time, especially if they could avoid it.

"She…has a thing for Snape doesn't she," he commented, not sure he should be going there.

"Yes and I can't fathom why. She's quite taken with him. Just now she swore they'd spent the afternoon contemplating the lake together. She could have just been confused though since you said you were there," Alyssa muttered.

"Does she have that problem a lot? Mixing up fantasy and reality?" he pressed.

"Yes, I'm afraid its part of her condition. We try to keep her on the potions daily but sometimes she slips pas tour radar," she sighed.

"You take care of her most of the time?" he inquired, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Yes…at least when we're at school. My parents were entirely sure she could handle coming here but I assured them I'd keep her in line. So far it's worked for the most part. Eliza's not a bad kid. She just has her problems and she deals with them the best that she can," Alyssa murmured, running a hand through her hair.

"I understand. I can't really say how but I understand. It's not easy having to take care of someone who is so drastically different from everyone else around them," he whispered.

"You don't have to explain yourself. You're a good person, Remus. I think you and Eliza would get along. Maybe she'd actually find a friend. You seem like a really good soul. Even if those two dolts of friends of yours can't see it," she said with a smile.

"Thanks. James and Sirius just take everything in life as a joke or a prank. But they'll grow up, eventually," Remus muttered, laughing a little.

"Well I'd better be going. Make sure she hasn't run off to try and kidnap Snape. Wouldn't want that happening," she giggled. Remus nodded and stood up with her. The two parted ways at the door and Alyssa made her way towards the Hufflepuff Common Room. She knew her sister retreated there when she was upset. She gave the password, albeit getting a rather nasty glare from the portrait. She headed up to the third year girls' dorm. She found Eliza on her hands and knees, pushing a box under her bed.

"I'm sorry if I upset you earlier," Alyssa apologized.

"I know what I saw," Eliza muttered out of the corner of her mouth, refusing to look at her older sibling. She could hear Alyssa shifting her weight.

"Ok. Believe what you want. See you at dinner," Alyssa muttered, and left her sister to contemplate her bedspread.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Footsteps to Follow**

He reappeared outside a run-down looking house. The shutters had long since fallen off from the wear and tear of the elements. He knew they wouldn't look for him here, not at first at least. Severus pushed open the aged front door and quietly slipped inside. He had sworn he would never come back here, to never call this place home again but he had no choice. He shivered as memories of his father washed over him. Staying his nerves he walked into the living room and sat down on the moth eaten couch. He exhaled and closed his eyes. His body ached for sleep but he had to be vigilant. He couldn't let his guard down.

"An hour or two wouldn't kill me," the fugitive muttered, pushing himself up from the sitting position and heading towards the guest bedroom. He couldn't stomach going into his childhood room. He closed the door to the guest room and lowered his lanky frame onto the bed, potions and letters still on his person. He couldn't risk misplacing them. Almost instantly he succumbed to the pull of sleep.

He woke three hours later with a start. He sat up, his hands flying to the inner pockets of his robes to make sure all of his personal items were still there. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and he pulled his wand from his sleeve, inching out of the room and checking the rest of the house. He was still alone. Severus sat down at the kitchen table and pulled the letters from his pocket. Was he prepared to do this? Could he really read what she had written to him?

"I'm going to need a drink," he muttered to himself. He waved his hand a snifter appeared on the table filled with brandy.

He took a sip before slipping his finger between the flap and the rest of the envelope in the first letter. Severus slowly pulled the folded stationary out and unfolded it. The handwriting was neat and clear, like his name on the envelope. He simply stared at the floral motif on the side. For some reason he found himself intrigued by it. Another sip of the brandy however drew his attention back to the words written on the piece of parchment.

_Dear Severus,_

_I saw you today. You were just reading when they ambushed you. They don't understand you, not like me. I don't like it when they make fun of you. It's like they're making fun of me too. It hurts and I can see it in you. I hope that they'll learn their lesson and leave you alone._

_You looked at me afterwards, in the hallway and I knew you saw me. You talked to me too. My heart skipped a beat. I have a feeling you felt the same._

_Eliza_

Severus sat back and stared at the letter. He tried to remember what she was talking about but found he was just more confused than when he started. Her letter seemed more of a diary entry than a letter.

"She was only thirteen," he had tot remind himself.

He slid the letter back into the envelope and laid it aside. He tossed back the rest of his drink and refilled it magically. He took a swig and opened the second letter. It was penned in the same delicate and neat script as the previous one. He had to give her credit that she had very attractive penmanship. However, the contents of the letter proved to be similar to the previous letter. They detailed some chance meeting in a corridor r a glance across the Great Hall. He tried to dig back in his memory but none of this was registering. The third and fourth letters provided the same type of information.

"This is bloody pointless," Severus grumbled after his fourth drink. Perhaps this wasn't such a brilliant idea after all. She was clearly delusional and she may have even made this up. He was about to bind the letters back together when he got a strange feeling, as if he had to read the next letter. He tried to shake the feeling but it was persistent, like a chill that wouldn't dissipate.

"Oh alright," he grumbled to the empty room. He pulled the fifth letter in the pile out and carefully broke the seal on the envelope. He pulled it out. The usually impeccable script was slightly smudged on this letter, as if she'd forgotten she was writing.

_Dear Severus,_

_I was at the lake today. It was really beautiful. The sun looked like it was dancing on the lake. It made me feel really happy. I like the sun, especially in the morning when it first comes up. That's when it is the prettiest. So when I was watching today, I thought of you. I bet you would have liked it. It was so peaceful. Maybe sometime we can watch it together, the sunrise. I bet it would be really fun._

_Eliza_

He stared at the letter for what felt like eternity. That was the most lucid one she had written. His brow furrowed considerably as he tried to figure out what had been calling to him about this letter. Perhaps it was the lucidness of the message. Or maybe it was that he now knew she enjoyed sunrises. Regardless, he tucked this letter away and placed it with the others. He stared at the tumbled by his hand and flicked his wrist, making it disappear.

"What are you trying to show me?" he asked to the silence around him. He knew he would receive no answer. She had been dead a long time and unless she chose to, she would not appear. He rose and began wandering the house. He paused at his old room, his hand hovering inches away from the handle. Could he face his past in this place? Taking a deep breath he pushed the door open and walked in. It had not changed. The bed was made neatly, albeit it was covered in cobwebs and dust. The floor boards still bore the stain. He shivered at the thought of what his father had done that night. It was inhumane and he couldn't stop it. He had been powerless, too weak to save his own mother. He shook the thoughts from his head. He needed to keep his wits about him. He was a wanted man and by now he was no doubt being hunted. That meant he couldn't stay here too much longer. He retreated from the bedroom and back towards he living room. He had to figure out where to go from here. His mind drifted to Alyssa Morrow. She had been on his side when Eliza had died, the box clasped in her hands.

"She won't let you in," he chastised himself. She would know what he had done. She would treat him like a murderer, the very thing they had all claimed all those years ago. But maybe, just maybe, she would take pity on him. Certainly Severus Snape did not like pity but if it got him to a safe place for a night he would endure it. He would need to find her address. He would have to chance going out in public. He steeled his nerves and disapparated. He reappeared near a phone booth. He quickly stepped inside, his onyx gaze darting over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure no one was approaching him. He flipped through until he found her. Not caring that someone else might need the page he tore it from the spine and once more disappeared.


	6. Chapter 6

**One Step Closer**

She sighed as she stared at her notes. She didn't want to be in class. All she wanted to do was find Severus. She hadn't seen him in a few days and she was getting worried. Eliza leaned back in her chair. She just couldn't focus on school work. She wanted to be with him. Almost as if on cue, the bell rang to end class. She collected her quill and scroll and tossed them in her bag.

"Eliza," a voice called out to her as she headed down the dungeon corridor. She turned around to see Alyssa walking towards her.

"Hi," she greeted her sister softly, not meeting her gaze.

"How was class?" the older of the two asked, starting to walk along side Eliza.

"Ok," Eliza murmured. She didn't want to talk to her sister. She just wanted to go find Severus. But she couldn't tell Alyssa that. She didn't approve of Eliza liking him. Even if Alyssa said she didn't mind, she really did. It was her job as the older sister.

"You're worried about him," Alyssa stated, moving to stand in front of Eliza, barring her path. Eliza's gaze shot up.

"How do you know?" she asked, slightly shocked.

"You haven't talked about him in a while. You haven't been running off to be by yourself much either. You must not have much to tell him," her older sibling explained. She knew what her sister did. She'd been having Remus follow her discreetly. She also knew that Eliza was skipping taking her potions.

"Leave me alone," Eliza snapped and pushed past her sister.

"Eliza, he doesn't like you. He doesn't even know you," Alyssa shouted after the girl. She knew it wouldn't make any difference. Eliza was caught up in a delusion she couldn't, or wouldn't, get out of. That was had always bothered Alyssa. When Eliza found a fantasy she liked, she refused to let it go and most times it got her hurt. Just as Alyssa was about to turn and head back to her dorm when Remus collided with her.

"Oh, I'm sorry Alyssa," Remus apologized. She readjusted her robes and gave him a smile.

"It's ok. I should have been looking where I was going," she answered.

"So she just ran off," he commented.

"Yeah. I told her that he didn't even know she existed. I just hope she doesn't do anything crazy," she sighed. She would never forgive herself if Eliza did something drastic.

"I don't know if she's been writing him more letters. I mean…is she ever going to send them?" Remus queried.

"You know, I have no idea. Why don't we go find out," Alyssa suggested. Remus raid his brow but followed her to the Hufflepuff Common Room. The portrait had once more given them funny looks.

"I won't remember the password," Remus promised as they headed up to the girls' dormitory. Surprisingly Remus didn't get sent down the stairs.

"That's weird. The stairs up to the girls' dorms in Gryffindor Tower flatten out if a boy tries to go up," Remus murmured. Alyssa just laughed. She had charmed the stairs a while ago in case she needed to bring Remus along.

"Come on," she urged, pushing the third year door open and heading towards her sister's four-poster. She bent down and pulled out the box from under the bed. Remus looked around nervously. He'd never been in a girls' dorm before. And he wasn't sure how he felt that Alyssa was just taking Eliza's things. Alyssa sat down on the bed and pulled the top off of the box. The letters were stacked neatly on top of each other in date order she presumed. She picked them up and leafed through them. There were six.

"There's only six here. Maybe she really hasn't been writing to him," she breathed.

"She wouldn't keep them somewhere else would she?" Remus inquired, looking at the letters. The script was so gentle and articulate.

"No. She's a bit obsessive compulsive. She'd never put one somewhere else," Alyssa assured him.

"Maybe she's gotten over him?" Remus offered, knowing in the back of his mind that it probably wasn't true.

"I doubt it. She's really enamored by Snape. She wouldn't just let him go," Alyssa replied and put the letters back in the box. Just then footsteps resounded in the Common Room. Remus swallowed and Alyssa shoved the box beneath the bed, grabbing the Gryffindor by the sleeve and dragging him out of the room. They pressed themselves against a wall. Luckily they were hidden by shadow. To their surprise Eliza appeared and shut the door behind her.

"We should get out of here," Remus hissed as quietly as he could. Alyssa was torn. She wanted to apologize to her sister but at the same time she knew Remus was right. They needed to leave. She didn't want to upset Eliza even more than she already had. Her desire to not upset her sister currently outweighed her need to make amends and so she ushered Remus out of the Common Room.

"That was close," he breathed, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah. She may be going to write another letter," the sixth year suggested.

"Maybe," Remus agreed. The Portrait swung open and Eliza reappeared, carrying the box of letters. She had something perched on top of it but neither Remus nor Alyssa could tell what it was. The thirteen-year-old was heading towards the dungeons. Alyssa signaled for Remus to follow her. They stayed in the shadows as they tailed her down to the bowels of the castle. Classes were just about to change and Alyssa spotted Snape walking out of a classroom.

"What's she doing?" Remus whispered, pointing to Eliza. She was leaning against the opposite wall and was adjusting the object on top of the box. Alyssa squinted her eyes to try and see what it was around all the people. By the time she realized what it was too late. Eliza had tossed the box too the ground in the middle of the corridor and then tossed herself at it.

"No!" Alyssa shouted, pushing people out of the way to get to her baby sister. Eliza looked up at Alyssa.

"Sorry," the third year gasped, her eyes starting to glaze over. Alyssa was beginning to panic as she pulled her sister off the knife and tried to do CPR. Remus just watched in horror. His eyes drifted to Snape. The Slytherin was watching curiously as Eliza's life slipped away. Remus had to do something. He walked up to Snape and pulled him aside.

"What do you want, Lupin?" Severus hissed.

"That girl…she was obsessed with you. And you never even gave her a second glance," Remus ground out. This was Snape's fault. Eliza didn't know what was real anymore. Severus merely shoved Remus off of him and stormed away. All eyes were now on him as he disappeared. He didn't know that girl. He couldn't have done that to her. Alyssa was sobbing now, cradling her baby sister in her lap, her lips starting to turn blue. Professor McGonagall appeared and gasped.

"What happened?" she demanded. Alyssa looked up, teary-eyed.

"She….killed herself," Alyssa sniffled. How was she going to explain this to her parents?


	7. Chapter 7

**Hard to Forget**

Severus reappeared outside a small flat. The front façade was baby blue with navy blue shutters. It looked quaint. He hurriedly walked up the front walk, glancing over his shoulder nervously. He wasn't even sure she was home. He knocked sharply and waited for an answer. The front door was pulled open and much older looking Alyssa Morrow appeared. She looked shocked to see him standing in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. He could sense the fear in her tone.

"I'm not here to harm you," he prefaced. She took a step back. That was not the answer she was expecting to hear from him.

"I heard the rumors," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm sure you have," he muttered.

"So what are you doing here?" she repeated.

"I…needed a place to go. I…" he trailed off, pulling the letters from his pocket. Alyssa stared at them.

"You've read them," she breathed.

"Only the first five," he corrected her. She hesitated for a moment but pulled the door open and allowed him to enter.

"Thank you," he murmured. She shut the door and turned to face him once more.

"So why now? Feeling guilty?" she probed.

"I suppose. I suppose that I am now a wanted man and I owe it to your sister to see why she felt she had to die," he answered. She nodded and headed into the kitchen. He followed her at a distance, not wanting to make her feel threatened.

"Can I get you something to drink?" she offered.

"Tea would nice," he answered and sat down. He could still hear Eliza's words in his head about the sunrise. Alyssa busied herself with steeping the tea. She set it on the stove to steep and sat down across from him.

"So what did they say?" she questioned. Severus looked at her in confusion for a moment until it dawned on him.

"Mostly just ramblings about times we talked and such things that I don't remember," he answered with a shrug. He wasn't sure whether he ought to tell her about the sunrise letter.

"She was delusional. In the end she'd stopped taking her potions. She couldn't differentiate the fantasy in her mind with reality," Alyssa sighed.

"I think I'm beginning to see how I could have stopped her," Severus orated softly. Alyssa couldn't help but laugh a little in spite of herself.

"How? Shove the potions down her throat?" she spat.

"No. Paid attention to her. Acknowledged her, even if it fed into her fantasy. She would have felt as if she was noticed," Severus explained, taken aback at Alyssa rude comment.

"Maybe. But I guess we'll never really know," Alyssa responded.

"There was one letter…the second to last one she wrote. It seemed quite lucid. About a sunrise. She seemed like a completely different individual than the one who had written the previous four," he added as an afterthought. He figured it was pointless to keep this from her.

"She loved sunrises. It was her favorite time of day. She would get up at odd hours of the morning just to watch the sun come up. I always wondered what she saw in sunrises. I mean, yes they are pretty but she always saw something extra in them," Alyssa expounded, tapping her chin.

They fell into silence, punctuated only by the tea kettle whistling loudly. She got up and poured the hot liquid into two mugs, handing one to the man across from her. They sat there, contemplating their tea for a while before Alyssa finally broke the silence.

"Can I ask you something?" Severus nodded.

"Why here? Why come to me for refuge?" she asked. He figured she would ask.

"I felt you would give me some asylum, even for just a few hours. And…I felt as if your sister…as if Eliza wanted me to be here with you to read the final letter," he spoke, setting his mug down on the table.

"You did? You really think she would want us to read it together?" the thirty-nine-year-old queried.

"Yes, I believe she would. She cared about you. That much I could tell," he explained. She smiled a little.

"Well…then let's read it," she said and he pulled it from its envelope. She moved her chair so that she was seated next to him and could read the letter as well. He unfolded the stationary and his eyes scanned the text on the page.

_Dear Severus,_

_You haven't been around much lately. I'm worried. You haven't talked to me. We haven't shared a sunrise yet. Why are you avoiding me? Is something wrong? Please tell me._

_You have been distant. You never look at me anymore. Did I do something to upset you? I just don't understand why you aren't here for me. You promised you would be. You said you wouldn't break your promise to me._

_Eliza_

Severus and Alyssa stared at the letter in silence. They hadn't been expecting this. They weren't entirely sure what they had been expecting but it certainly was not this angry, hurt emotion.

"I didn't know she was that upset. I mean I knew she was worried that she didn't see you. I never would have figured it was this painful," Alyssa breathed.

"I told you if I'd just paid attention…even a little. She might have lived," Severus spat. He wasn't sure who he was angrier at; himself or Eliza.

"There was nothing you could do. You didn't even know she liked you. She never made any direct attempt to tell you…at least not in reality," Alyssa tried to dispel his guilt.

"But everyone blamed me for her death. Perhaps they were right," he grumbled.

"No. She was responsible for her own death. She chose to take her own life," Alyssa shot back at him heatedly. She would not let him try to take the fall for what her sister chose to do. She believed it wasn't his fault then and she still believed that now.

"I still believe you were innocent. There was no blood on your hands," she added. That comment made him cringe. If only she knew that the rumors were true. That he had killed Dumbledore. He hadn't wanted to but he did it. He had that blood on his hands. He had taken a life close to him. He needed to leave. He couldn't stay here much longer. He didn't want to put Alyssa in harms way.

"Thank you for your hospitality but I must go. I don't want to burden you any longer," he said and abruptly stood up.

"You can stay if you need to rest," she offered, jumping to her feet.

"No. You do not want to be harboring a murderer," he said with a brief half-smile. He tucked the letters back into his cloak and walked towards the door.

"Wait…it's safer to apparate from the back yard. It's surrounded by trees. No one will see you," she called after him. He turned around, his hand on the front door knob.

"Thank you," he said one last time before he walked through the kitchen and out into the protectiveness of the tree lined yard.

"Where are you going?" she shouted from the doorway.

"To pay my last respects to your sister. And give that sunrise I promised her," he answered and disapparated from view.


	8. Chapter 8

**Aftermath Isn't Pretty**

It had been a month since Eliza had thrust herself to her death in the middle of the corridor. Severus kept getting heated glares from everyone he passed. He could tell that everyone blamed him for her death. But he couldn't figure out why on earth they would blame him. He didn't even know the girl. Lupin's words had been echoing in his subconscious since that day however. That he had been the cause. He was presently seated in the library, pouring over a book with yellowed pages, the typeset of a medieval style.

"Oi, look what I found," James hissed to Sirius as they approached the Slytherin fourth year. Severus ignored them. The Marauders had been the brunt of his abuse in the last four weeks. They had seen it fit to torment him on the subject every time they could.

"The murdering Snivellus," Sirius snickered back. Remus was seated at a table not too far away. He was feeling guilty for making everyone believe Eliza's death was Snape's fault. He had just been very emotional. He'd never seen someone die before, let alone take their own life.

"What do you two pricks want?" Snape finally acknowledged the two Gryffindors.

"What right do you have to speak to us?" James shot back.

"James, just let him be," Remus finally intervened. Sirius turned to look at his friend.

"Why are you sticking up for him, Moony?" Sirius asked, looking shocked. Remus rarely stuck up for Snape.

"Because it's not like he pushed her onto the knife. It's just not right. He isn't the one to blame," Remus shot back angrily. He had to correct his own mistake.

"I don't need your charity, Lupin," Severus hissed and stormed from the library.

"You better run, Snivelly," Sirius shouted, earning himself a very mean glare from the librarian. Remus just looked at his friends and started to gather his own things. He was going to find Alyssa. He felt like she could help sort this mess out. He was wandering the courtyard outside and he walked by the bench where he had first really met Eliza. He got a slight shiver but kept going until he spotted the sixth year. She was leaning against a length of wall.

"Mind if I sit down?" he asked her softly. She looked up and nodded, smiling a little bit.

"How are you holding up?" he questioned, placing a gentle hand on her arm.

"Well, it's still hard….to know she's gone. My parents have finally forgiven me," she answered, sounding bitter.

"Forgiven you? You didn't do anything. You weren't responsible for her. Your parents should have been," Remus retorted.

"Yeah well life doesn't always work like it is supposed to," she murmured, brushing a tear from her cheek.

"I feel horrible. I should never have said anything that day to Snape," Remus sighed.

"What do you mean?" the sixteen-year-old questioned.

"I told him she killed herself because of him. And now because of that everyone blames Snape for it. I started that ugly rumor and now I can't stop it," the werewolf spat, looking disgusted with himself.

"Remus, this is a school. Rumors get started all the time. You can't blame yourself," Alyssa asserted.

"So you don't blame him do you?" he questioned abruptly.

"No, I don't. In fact I was going to find him and talk to him. I don't know why but I feel like I need to show him that I believe he is innocent. That I know it was her delusion that led her to what she did," Alyssa explained.

"He was in the library but James and Sirius pissed him off and he stormed out. I don't know where he went," Remus supplied.

"Thanks. I think I'll go check the dungeons. I think I know the Slytherin password," she said and stood up.

"Do you know all four house passwords?" he asked, starting to follow her back inside.

"The perk of being a prefect," Alyssa whispered with a grin. She waved goodbye to him and headed for the nearest set of stairs that would lead her down to the dungeons. She wandered around, peeking in all the classrooms until she finally found Severus. He was sitting in the very back of the last classroom she checked. The door was ajar and she slipped in. As quietly as she could she moved between the tables until she was seated across from him. Only when she placed her hands on the table did he look up from his book.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I wanted to talk to you," she answered calmly.

"Come to tell me it's all my fault too have you?" he spat.

"No. But that is what I wanted to talk about," Alyssa answered. She took a deep breath.

"I know you had nothing to do with her death. My sister…wasn't stable to say the least," she began.

"She was delusional. She…did love you but it was all in her head that this….twisted relationship existed," she continued. He was listening now. He'd put his book down.

"What are you saying?" he interrupted.

"I'm saying that Eliza was mentally disturbed. She couldn't tell fantasy from reality. She had a crush on you and that developed into a delusion in which you two were involved. In the end she thought you were avoiding her and she couldn't figure out how to deal with that," Alyssa murmured, having to fight back tears.

"I…I am sorry for your loss," Severus finally managed to get out. He had not been expecting this from the dead girl's sister.

"I just wish I could have stopped her before she died. She could have gotten better with the right medications. But she refused to take them," the sixth year sniffled. She averted her gaze from Snape as she felt the tears start to slide down her cheek.

"You know…she wrote you letters. She kept them in a box under her bead. She'd want you to have them," she murmured suddenly. She got up and started to make her way out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Severus called after her.

"Stay here. I'll be right back," Alyssa ordered. Severus obeyed. She may have been a Ravenclaw but she was still a prefect and could get him in trouble if she so desired. She returned several minutes later carrying the box with her sister's letters inside. She handed the to Severus.

"You don't have to read them if you don't want to. I just know she wanted you to have them," Alyssa explained. Severus nodded, running a finger over the edge of the box. After a lengthy pause of silence Alyssa got up and left the room. Severus stared after her. He couldn't open the box. He didn't know if it was because this was still so new or whether he felt it would somehow dishonor Eliza. That night he rooted through the Daily Prophet and found the obituary section, clipping her picture from it. He carefully attached it to the top of the lid. This way he would know what she looked like…have some way of knowing her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sunrise for her**

The sun had set by the time he arrived in the park. He needed to wait until morning to do this. He was going to give her the sunrise she thought he had promised her. It was just as he sat down on a bench in a secluded area that he felt his stomach grumbling in hunger. He wasn't sure if he wanted to chance another public appearance. He knew he was in a muggle area. Presumably the Ministry wouldn't be looking for him here. He figured it would be safe to get something to eat. His will was strong but even he needed to eat. He couldn't outrun the authorities on an empty stomach for long.

"Just be careful," he quietly reminded himself. He got up from the bench and headed into town, finding a small pub a few blocks away. He entered and took a seat in a booth in the back of the restaurant. A pretty young woman approached him with a menu.

"Take you time," she addressed him. It sounded rehearsed to Snape's ears. She was eyeing his peculiar choice of clothing. She was used to it though. They got all sorts of weird people in this place. After having handed him the menu she disappeared. Severus perused the laminated sheet for a while until she returned. He hurriedly placed his order and began scouring his person for the money he would need to pay for the food. Luckily he had some muggle money on him.

"Here you are sir," she said, coming back some ten minutes later with his meal.

"May I have the bill please," he asked immediately. She looked a bit confused but handed it to him. He placed the appropriate payment in the pouch and handed it back to her. Satisfied that she was going to get some tips for the night she left him to his food.

He enjoyed the meal more than he had anticipated. Perhaps it was the possibility that if he wasn't careful, it could be his last for a long time. He savored every flavor and by the time he left the sun was completely gone and the moon had risen to the top of the sky and was on its slow descent towards dawn. He would only have a few hours to wait.

He decided he should use the time to locate Eliza's grave. He'd gotten the address from Alyssa back when they were still in school. She'd given it to him just in case he ever decided to visit her. He moved along the dark road until he found a clump of trees that would provide adequate cover for apparition. He reappeared at the front gate of the cemetery. He pushed the wrought-iron gate open and began to tread on the hallowed ground. He finally found her headstone. The sun was just now starting to come up over the horizon.

"Good morning, Eliza," he whispered. He slowly bent down and placed a hand on the cool stone.

"I know I should have come a long time ago. I've just been dealing a lot of private matters," he continued conversationally.

"But I am here now. I've come to watch the sunrise with you," he told the still air.

He lowered himself all the way to the ground and watched the sun peek over the top of the trees. It really was a breathtaking scene. He could now see why she liked them so much. And he also thought what that something extra she saw in them. The rest of the world seemed to melt away around him, leaving only him and the sun, making the sky a mixture of blue, pink and purple.

"It truly is beautiful. Thank you for inviting me to share it with you," he breathed as the sun was fully over the treetops. He stood, clearing his throat.

"I apologize that I didn't take the time to acknowledge you….to pay attention. I should have done something. Please forgive me," he pleaded to the headstone as he silently disappeared.


End file.
